3 Ways To Keep The Conversation Flowing On A First Date

If there’s anything that you take away from this blog to help with your dating, please, let it be these 3 tips.

They are going to seem so obvious when you hear them, but I guarantee, every single person reading this will be guilty of doing the opposite to these tips at some point.

So, let’s see…

When someone else is speaking, have you ever found yourself eagerly waiting for them to finish, just so that you can then say what it is you wanted to say about yourself?

Or worse still, interrupted them just to say what it is you wanted to say about yourself?

The urge to flip the topic back to yourself is so great that you actually stop listening to what the other person is saying and you are already conjuring up in your mind your own story of what you want to say.

And then, as soon as they finish, without skipping a beat, start you own story about yourself.

As I mentioned, we have all been guilty of this at some point (myself included!).

We are all the centre of our own universes and we all love talking about what’s important to us.

But, there’s a right way and a wrong way of doing this when on a first date.

We also want the other person to have their moment to shine too, and if you let them, you will come across a lot better in their eyes.

The good news is, I am going to tell you 3 ways in which you can do this and make it best for both people involved…

1. Listen for 'hot topics'

Hot topics are any topics that the other person mentions, or talks about, when they are speaking

People will generally talk about what is at the forefront of their mind, and what is most important to them at that time, these are the hot topics we want to be listening out for.

They could bring these hot topics up when they are answering a question, or they may even bring the hot topics up themselves unprovoked.

For example, you may ask the other person: “Do you have any plans this weekend?”

They may respond with: “I have a couple of friends coming round to my place on Friday, and I’m going to the cinema on Saturday”

They may also be doing 10 different things that weekend, for example, they may also be cleaning their house or going to the gym. But, people will generally gravitate towards the things that they want to talk about the most.

In this example it would be their friends and the cinema.

These are their hot topics and what you want to follow up on and pursue and ask more questions about.

For example you could say: “Sounds like a fun weekend you have planned, which friends are you seeing on Friday”

Once they respond, you can then do the same again and listen out for more hot topics and repeat the cycle.

All you have to do is keep listening out for hot topics and asking questions about them, and keep the spotlight on them.

This seems simple right?

However, sometimes people can make the mistake of using the opportunity after the other person answers, to then switch the conversation back and talk about themselves.

For example, they may respond by saying something like: “Sounds good, I’m playing football for my local team on Saturday”

This type of response is quite common.

Even though you may think you are adding to the conversation by answering with information about yourself, you are actually putting a stop to the original conversation about the other person.

Which brings me to point number 2…

2. Don't speak about yourself unless asked

One key rule on a first date is, try to avoid talking about yourself unless asked.

This doesn’t mean don’t talk about yourself at all, it just means wait until the other person asks before you do talk about yourself.

By not thinking about what you want to say next about yourself, your mind is free to fully listen to what the other person is saying and be more attentive to their hot topics.

Be patient, your time will come, they will ask questions about you when they want to know about you.

What you have to say about yourself will resonate better with the other person when they ask about you themselves.

Telling someone you play football at the weekends will be more impressive if you wait until the other person asks about your weekends, rather than if you just tell them about it unprovoked.

3. Give an answer +

Another way to quickly end a conversation is by giving short, one sentence answers.

If you are doing well and listening for the other persons hot topics and keeping the spotlight on them, when your time does come and they ask a question about you, you want to use this opportunity to shine.

Don’t just give a direct answer to their question, give an answer +

An answer + means to give an answer to their question and then give some extra interesting information related to your answer.

For example, if the other persona asks you a question back about if you have any plans for the weekend, you could respond with:

Answer: “I play football for my local team on Saturdays”

Answer +: “Last week there were 2 dogs that ran on to the pitch during the game, one was chasing the other. Then we had half of the team chasing the dogs around the pitch to try and get them off. It looked like a comedy act and was actually more tiring than playing the game itself”

Giving an answer + can give you an opportunity to give more information about yourself, it can give you more chance to show you personality and it can also give the other person more hot topics that they can pursue and ask more questions about and continue the conversation.

If you enjoyed the tips from this blog, they are all taken from our dating course that has over 70 practical tips and advice to help you build confidence and know exactly what to say and do, from the first impression all the way to the first date. Check out our course here!